Stream June 23/24

suddenly the sky loses light, the rain hits leaves, the wind scoundrels and we are sitting in a storm
so hot and sweaty minutes ago

buried deep in coal learning trees wet on the page and my back , we write with no light and no knowledge of what is on the paper we are delude and hidden, two women who have traveled down a stream a dried out stream clasping holly by mistake searching for water – so many dried out sticks  and now we huddle ready to start taking things in and on the deeper level we have passed over the land now we descend into it like priestesses, potesses, human beings, sheep, trees – only the water wobbles on wherever it sinks in it reappears elsewhere, a moment ago it was a sparkling moonlight night now we are below the swirl of rain

I am lying with my bag over a hole down under a tree – I found it in the dark not really a good place maybe I will move  we walked up the hill to wait for the  clouds over the moon, the stars appeared to move – I got caught on barbed wire – there are insects I am losing it but glad its not a visionquest – there is no structure
the stream has gone we have walked down to where we can see water not moving but still there-it feels as dried as the skin on the back of my neck, some ingredient is not there – water- moisture purer acceptance
how can I not lie out in the garden and watch the canopy of unfurled trees above my head , me who always says look up – owl call a slight mist causes picks and pocks tree limbs crawl around us as much pat of the earth as ? there is real dark and silence – we have talked and I feel it is busy talk that I need to surrender
the walk down here was hard, sepia and overgrown, a crashing through a push aside , a bending low and twisting, scratching, pushing awkward, hard to feel a liquid stream was here weeks ago, and to be out in this wider landscape is relief as no undergrowth, from lack of light, a hidden hollow, suddenly blooming out of this tiny stream to its cathedral height the spread of trees. I am companied but I have not reached nature yet I will lie down

I hear the day come alive i am dense word and as light starts so does rain feel moisture underneath and as a quiet unfolding from above C lies quiet . I have not slept but my body has passed through many transitions even now I feel light flickering out the sides of my eyes
we are deep delude and the light skirts high above and like a fringe
i can make out the lying trees sleeping better than me I started on my back and felt those ecstatic waves flow through me  as the bones become loose in my body all I felt were the ribs behind my heart move up and down I lay in a wave warm and easy later on my side I shook uncontrollably with waves of cold then later after a covering the raging moves stilled and the body let go though no sleep and now the birds claim the day they are the canopy of sound high above it is loud and opening maybe  now I can sleep I will try – light is spreading into the cracks and I can see the words appearing on the page I am with this cold dawn of loud birds more of the wind passes by and this  ancient  unclosed loud takes from dull greys with light breaking the edges I feel alone asks sleeps and as I don’t and yet this is precious but oh I wish to have slept maybe briefly not like her depth now birds voices are like circuses trapeze glides twirls and razzmatazz I am wayting for colour to arrive will I actually see  its not just shades

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